Breakups are hard on all of us, whether you were only together for a short while or a decade, whether it was mutual or one of you was stepping out on the side. Feeling emotional turbulence after a breakup is totally reasonable. It doesn’t make you crazy. However, some people tend to be irrational and destructive after breakups and do things that they otherwise, at any other time in their life, would find crazy and irresponsible, or totally unlike them.

These are a list of some of those things, organized as 10 things not to do after a breakup. While some of these items aren’t necessarily bad, they can complicate your life post-breakup. If you’re in the middle of emotional turbulence, you might regret them when you come to your senses later.

1) Cut yourself off from your friends

You need your friends the most during hard times like these. Don’t turn away from those that love and care for you, even when you really just want to curl up alone in your bed and cry for a while. Your friends, whether they loved your ex or hated him with a passion, can be a support system during trying times. Don’t cut yourself off from them just because you’re overcome with sadness. You’ll only end up more sad in the long run.

2) Make major hair changes you’ve never considered before

Girls love to make major hair changes after a break up, whether that is a new cut, a new color, or some combination of the two. Be wary of making a major hair change that you’ve never considered before. If you’ve always had hair to your shoulders and never once wanted to cut it shorter, maybe don’t go for the post-break up pixie cut right away. Hair changes can make you feel like a new person. They provide some comfort after a loss, but you should trust yourself and who you were before the break up to guide the way. Don’t end up with major regrets or lime green hair later.

3) Lash out against your parents

It is easy to be emotionally overwhelmed during and after a break up. Sometimes, you find yourself acting out against those that love you if you aren’t careful. This includes your parents, especially if you still live with them. If you try and lock yourself in your room with a crate of chocolate and a bottle of wine, your parents are probably going to get worried. They’re going to try and cheer you up. You may not be ready for that. Don’t act out against them. Don’t lash out. You’ll both regret it in the long run.

4) Avoid common ground

Just because you and your ex-boyfriend used to always go to a certain restaurant or coffee shop does not mean you can never go there again. Don’t let anyone, and certainly no man, dictate your caffeine intake. You will worry about running into them, no doubt. Once you stop the stressing, you’ll find that you are happier when you enjoy familiar comforts and get back to your old stomping grounds. Don’t let one bad breakup ruin your love for a certain sushi restaurant or your favorite Starbucks location.

5) Start a crash diet

You should never do a crash diet, but this applies especially during the post-breakup period. Losing weight is not the answer to your problems. A crash diet will likely end up making you feel worse than you already do. Avoid it. 

6) Binge eat

Similarly, binge eating after a breakup can seem like a good idea but you’ll end up regretting it later. Allow yourself to eat that pint of ice cream or box of chocolates occasionally, but don’t gorge yourself. Your body will thank you for treating it kindly, and so will your digestive track. The only thing worse than dealing with a breakup is dealing with a breakup sick.

7) Get a tattoo

Like making major hair decisions but worse, getting a tattoo right after a breakup, specifically one you’ve never considered before, isn’t the best idea. Let yourself have a cooling off period before you make any major changes that are, you know, permanent. Right after a breakup is not the time to get a “Girl Power” tattoo, even if it may seem perfect for the moment. Give yourself time to think before making such a major decision.

8) Seek revenge

I get it. You’re upset. You have every right to be. Don’t waste your time or your mental energy trying to get revenge. Devote your time to yourself and the people that truly care about you. Concocting great revenge ideas can be really fun, but it isn’t super healthy. Feeling like your life is ruined is not a reason to ruin someone else’s life. Don’t focus on getting revenge. Instead, focusing on getting over it.

9) Blame the “other woman”

If your relationship ended because he was seeing someone else, it is not fair to put all the blame on that other woman. Maybe she played a part in the “seduction” or whatever you want to call it, and maybe she didn’t. But she wasn’t dating you. He was. It is not fair to blame the other woman entirely. It will not help you heal any faster by putting it all on a girl who will likely end up in the same place you are down the road. Place the blame where it truly belongs. Don’t cop out by blaming the “other woman.”

10) Rebound hookup

We all get lonely. You may want to find solace in the arms of another, but do not cautiously. No one feels “good” about being a rebound hookup. You should also consider how you will feel after the fact. Are you seeking another person to fill a void in your life, to keep you warm at night, or to “get back” at your ex? That might be a sign that you are pursuing something for the wrong reason.

Breakups are hard, but we all go through them. Seek comfort in your girl squad and remember that empowered women empower women. Don’t let one silly breakup get you down forever. You are strong, and loved and destined for greatness. No man can take that away from you.

Aryssa D
FFL Cabinet Member
Aryssa is a student at Yale University, where she enjoys worshiping the patriarchy, making sandwiches, and finding a husband. She loves wearing her FFL gear and documenting the horrific expressions that ensue for her scrapbook. When she is not being "oppressed" by the patriarchy, she enjoys Lilly Pulitzer and classic novels.