Jeb Bush  

The guy who camps out the night before.

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Ben Carson

The guy who was dragged into Target by his wife. He can be found near the vacuum cleaners holding her purse.

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Chris Christie

The overly caffeinated guy who goes way too overboard and starts knocking over children to get to the electronics section.

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Hillary Clinton

The lady who makes it on the news because she assaulted someone trying to get the last 25% off Keurig.

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Ted Cruz

The guy who gets trampled in a stampede because he doesn’t want to be rude and push people.

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Rand Paul

Doesn’t go Black Friday shopping but instead is sitting at home watching football with his stretchy pants on. Ya know, what America was intended to do on Thanksgiving.

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Marco Rubio

The guy who brings his whole family to Walmart so they can create lifelong memories together.

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Bernie Sanders

The guy who forgot all his coupons at home.

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Donald Trump

The guy who is building a wall to protect the 50% off TVs.

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