Urban Dictionary is the best and worst thing to ever happen to the Internet, and Urban Dictionary will smash your preconceptions left and right. When anyone can add a definition, it shouldn’t be surprising that they run the gamut from factual, taken straight from a biography or textbook, to the crazy, taken from the minds of people with way too much time on their hands.

Here at FFL, we’ve decided to showcase for you, our loyal readers, just how crazy Urban Dictionary can get and combine it with our passion, politics. Here is how Urban Dictionary defines the remaining five presidential candidates in 2016. We took the top rated definition, unless it was too inappropriate or crass for us to condone.

 

1

It has been 11 years since this definition was submitted, and yet we still can’t stop talking about Donald Trump’s hair. Many of the definitions WERE about his presidential campaign, and his former reality show The Apprentice, but his hair took home the top prize from the Urban Dictionary elite.  I’m sure that the 2016 election will lead to a new top definition for Mr. Trump, and that could be yours if you start writing.

 

2

In John Kasich’s defense, this is the only Urban Dictionary definition provided for him. Maybe we shouldn’t take seriously the criticisms of anyone who openly titles themself “FcktheGOP”. It’s been nearly five years since this definition was uploaded, and I am genuinely surprised it doesn’t mention that his Dad was a mailman.

 

3

This definition is nearly thee years old, and doesn’t mention any fake mistresses or false claims of being the Zodiac Killer, so clearly no one is updating this. Psara could never have predicted the left using Donald Trump as the new boogeyman, so we’ll let it slide. At least this one is semi-kind to Republicans, unlike the majority of everything else on the Internet.

 

4

Someone is clearly feeling the Bern, but I would bet a $100 (which Bernie would tax heavily) that Pillowpants8495 couldn’t tell you the difference between Marxism and Democratic socialism.  However, this is one of the most factual candidate definitions you’ll find, at least in part, as he did vote against the Iraq War and frankly, is an outspoken critic of just about everything. This Urban Dictionary user forgot to mention any of his tangible, doable plans to make this country better, but that is probably because they don’t exist. Also, “Straight up awesome” isn’t very unbiased, is it?

 

5

Several of the Hillary Clinton definitions were extremely inappropriate, and while we may not support her, we will never condone that sort of language against any individual, no matter how much of a criminal they are. This definition, however, is hilarious and hits the spot. This was over ten years ago, which makes me wonder if ijustlivehere can see into the future. Now, he’d probably say “Why I may move to Canada” like everyone else who would never actually leave the greatest country on Earth. Let’s hope that ijustlivehere gets to stay in this country come November.

The opinions expressed here do not reflect those of FFL and our organization, but rather the opinions of random people on the Internet who feel the need to define people.

 

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