Since the moment I realized that Joe Biden was going to be President, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. However not even my impressive pessimism could have predicted just how bad 46 would be at being President. In just one short week, he was defeated by stairs, the border crisis worsened and he held a dumpster fire press conference that included shots of his ridiculous cheat sheet. So in light of that, here are 6 people that I think would run the country better than Joe Biden.

Jon Taffer

If you’ve never seen Bar Rescue, I highly encourage you to go over to YouTube and watch the greatest hits, including compilations like this. Taffer is a great in the restaurant/bar industry and has spent years taking failing establishments, cleaning them up and reopening them as successful businesses. His no-nonsense attitude and talent for turning failure into prosperity is just what We the People need right now.

Joanna Gaines

Do I want Joanna Gaines to become the first female President because of how absolutely delightful I know the White House will look year ‘round? Or is because Joanna Gaines is a problem solver that can give the US the fixer-upper treatment it so desperately needs right now? I have full confidence that this delightful wife and mother of five would be able to balance all the issues that come across the Resolute Desk and handle the press with her usual grace, charm and wisdom. Also I would be first in line for that White House tour, where I’m sure I’d spot at least 5 new oversized clocks and several of these heavenly candles scattered tastefully around.

Dave Portnoy

The Pizza Taster-In-Chief has already done so much for We the People that he at least deserves a couple Presidential Medals of Freedom. The founder of Barstool Sports created the Barstool Fund during COVID and has raised millions for local bars and restaurants across the US. Among the recipients have been Lugi Petrozza who owns Raceway Pizza in Yonkers, Pennsylvania’s Caribbean Wave Jamaican Jerk and over 300 other small businesses. Portnoy has a heart for the people and a swagger that could easily take the White House by storm.

Kris Jenner

The matriarch of the Kardashian-Jenner clan has created a billion dollar empire for her family and strives for success for those she represents. So if she could represent us, I have no doubt she would do everything in her considerable power to see we are living our best lives. If Mama Kris can handle having all her kids and grandkids over for family dinner, handling Congress will seem like a walk in the park for. Also I’m already imagining Kim as Attorney General once she passes the bar and am delighted by the idea.

Donald Trump

45…enough said.

The Ghost of George Washington

I suspect that if we went to Mt Vernon and listened closely we’d be able to hear the sounds of our founding Father rolling over in his grave as he witnesses what is happening in the White House and much of what happens in government today. As one of America’s OGs, we already know the heart and passion that Washington had for this country. On one hand, I think he would be incredibly proud to see how far the idea of the liberty of people has come. To see that we are now 50 states and diverse population of over 330 million I’m sure goes above and beyond anything Washington ever dreamed. However, I feel that Washington would be far less pleased to see the governing body and those that comprise it are often more focused on serving themselves than the people. It was the intention of the founding fathers that our government was always to serve the people and ensure our rights and freedoms. Let’s hope and pray that in the months and years to come, we will be able to get back to that.

Hannah Brokaw lives in a red state and votes red. She enjoys true crime TV shows, long naps and tacos. Please bother her via Twitter where she has a lot of thoughts.

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