To The Girl Who Feels She Is Too Much But Still Never Enough
Image Credits: Navy or Nothing
I know how you feel. It’s a hard line to toe between what’s not enough, just enough, and too much. If you wear makeup, you’re trying too hard to please people. But if you don’t, you’re too plain. If you pursue what you want, you’re too focused on your career. But if you don’t, you don’t care enough about success. It’s a never ending cycle of “be this” and “do that,”and you just can’t seem to catch a break.
Whether it’s being President of a club, top of your class, or the best player on your team, you’re constantly “too much” for someone. You need to “calm down” and “stop trying so hard.”Take it easy. “Life isn’t about being the ‘best’, after all. Why do you always feel like you need to out-do everyone?”
Maybe you got a C in a class you thought would be a breeze. You can’t seem to keep up with everything the “it girl” is doing, or your eyeliner just won’t wing the way you want. You feel like no matter how hard you try, there’s always that little voice in your head screaming that you aren’t good enough. Someone else is better. You should’ve gotten a 95 not a 90 on that exam. Maybe you think you didn’t need that piece of cake because you forgot to go to the gym. You only have $16.43 in your bank account AGAIN because you bought that perfect dress after you promised yourself you’d save money.
Like I said, I know how you feel. I’ve been there one too many times. Feeling like I was constantly battered between the harsh “reality” that I was both too much and never enough. I wear sweatpants to class too often. My internship really wasn’t THAT impressive. I’m too concerned with my GPA. I care too much about politics. I didn’t go to the gym enough. I’m too thin. I’m too loud.
I felt like I had to have it all together. Even if I didn’t believe in myself, I had to appear like I did. I found myself constantly dulling my own sparkle so I wouldn’t outshine someone else. Toning myself down so I wouldn’t offend anyone, trying to be more, and do more. At the same time, I was constantly trying to be everything to everyone, and do everything, not because it made me happy, but because I thought it looked good. I felt like if it at least seemed like I had everything in my life in a neat little box, maybe everyone else would believe the carefully orchestrated facade. At best, my attempts at impressing everyone were mediocre. Others opinions of me for so long dictated how I viewed myself. I was constantly consumed by negativity and self doubt.
Recently, I read the following line in a bible study:
“Jesus says no. You are not ‘too much’ for His love and grace, and you have never been ‘not enough’ for His affection and devotion. It isn’t your goodness that drew Him to you, and God’s love isn’t dependent on your ability to stay inside the lines and hold it all together.”
Wow! It hit me like a train. I stopped dead in my tracks, mystified at how the Lord could speak so directly to my heart, and with such power and truth. It was so freeing to realize that no matter how “too much” or “not enough” I am in the eyes of others, I was created to perfectly fulfill my purpose by my King. Even more, He loves me and calls me His own simply because of His goodness and grace, not based on anything I could have ever done. It’s not about me, and never has been. It’s about Him.
Dear sister, you may be “too much” for others, but you are never too much for your Heavenly Father. He created you in His image, to fulfill His purpose, and His hand on your life is present and real. You are more than enough for Him. No matter how many times this world might tell you there’s more you need to do, the world is futile. In a world that thrives on insecurity and doubt, it’s brave to believe you’re enough and have faith in who you are. So, be bold, be brave. Believe me when I say you are enough.
Please don’t dull your sparkle just so you don’t outshine someone else. You were given your unique shine for a reason. You have a purpose. Don’t ever sell yourself short. Don’t ever let anyone convince you into being less than who you were created to be. Allow others to shine just the same. Help them along their journey with a kind word, affirmation that they are enough, and maybe even a hand to hold along the way.
Today, I pray you rest in the truth that you are not and never can be too much, and you never have and never will be not enough.
FFL Cabinet Member
Corrie is a Cabinet Member at FFL. She is passionate about coffee, Jesus, and lipstick, and never wears white after Labor Day. If she isn't busy talking about law school or FFL, you can find her studying constitutional law or reviewing a contract. Her plan A is Super Mom turned Supreme Court Justice, and she hopes to one day be just like Sandra Day O"Connor.
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