Jeb Bush


The uncle that tells you all the crazy things he used to do in high school. All his stories start out with, “don’t tell your mom I told you this but….”


Ben Carson


Your cousin who’s a doctor that lives across the country and only visits during Christmas. All his stories start out with, “I was elbow deep trying to get the tumor out..”


Hillary Clinton


The aunt who brings her “world famous homemade apple pie” to Christmas dinner but it still has the Walmart sticker on it.


Ted Cruz

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The uncle who gifts a pellet gun to an 8yr old.


Carly Fiorina


The aunt who brags about starting her own company and then she hands you an ItWorks! brochure.


Rand Paul


The 14 yr old who’s forced to sit at the little kid’s table and picks fights with all the big kids.


Marco Rubio


The dad that wears a Christmas sweater and sits around with other dads watching sports on Christmas Eve.


Bernie Sanders


The senile grandpa who talks about his war stories even though he was never in the war.


Donald Trump


The uncle that ruins the Christmas joy by saying, “so, has anyone gotten into the presidential race yet?” and inevitably ends with, “the problem would be solved if we just nuked ‘em.”