Democrats are making sure that no one can ever be offended again by making everything a one-size-fits all. So, what happens when that spills over to our favorite Christmas tunes? What would happen if Democrats wrote Christmas songs?

This already happened when John Legend and Kelly Clarkson re-wrote the lyrics to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” so let’s play along and change all of the names, shall we?

“Mary, Did You Need Your Son’s Future Mansplained To You?”

“The Little Drummer Person”

“It’s The Most Wonderful Time of The Year…For The Privileged” 

“Holiday Time Is Here”

“Holly Jolly Holiday”

“Do You Able-ists Hear What Ableists Hear?”

“I Saw My Parent Kissing Santa Claus”

“Frosty The Snowman..Until Global Warming”

“The 12 Days of Holidays”

“O Holy Night..for Christians and Christians Only”

“Away In A Manger…Because Mary and Joseph Weren’t The 1%”

“Have Yourself A Very Merry Holiday”

“I Want An Endangered Species for Holiday”

“Rockin’ Around the Holiday Tree”

“All I Want For The Holiday Is My Two Front Teeth”

“Grandparent Got Run Over By A Reindeer”

“Happy Holiday (War is Over Because Warhawks Got Voted Out)”

“Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople” 

“Feliz Navidad” * but only to be sung by people whose first language is Spanish because this song is cultural appropriation

“Dominick the Democratic Donkey”

“You’re A Mean One, Mr. Trump”

Don’t let this rain on your parade. Spread cheer this season, not COVID or Democratic talking points.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hannakuh!

Caroline C.
FFL Cabinet Member
Follow Caroline on Twitter!