Well it’s February 2021 and we’re now a few days into Biden’s America. Is everyone feeling nice and saved from the bad Orange Man? I hope so because pack your bags, ladies, we are off to camp! Now I don’t mean the awesome summer camps our parents used to offload us at when we were young but these wonderful reeducation camps the likes of Katie Couric and now-fired PBS attorney Michael Beller seem to think Republicans belong in. Never mind that people in China are actually being forced into actual reeducation camps, we the People in the greatest free country of the world need to packed off because *checks notes*…we voted for someone the other side doesn’t like. Let that sink in.
There are actual Americans who feel completely comfortable saying that other Americans should be sent to a re-education camp because they disagree with the way they voted and the political party they are a part of. Now there’s been a little outrage, a little dust up over the statements, but not nearly enough as is warranted. But all that very serious problematic stuff aside, below are a few of the activities I’m sure we can all expect to get to take part in at the camps:
Swimming with Socialism
Hop into your cutest swimsuit and frolic in the pool with your fellow camp go-ers while socialists stand on the lifeguard chairs and scream their latest social justice causes via bullhorn. Learn about public ownership and social welfare as you bask in the sun and hit the beach ball around. And back by popular demand, night swims with our favorite AOC’s long winded Instagram rants playing on the projector at full blast.
Deprogramming on the Green
Join us – just kidding, you don’t have any choice – every afternoon for a nice long deprogramming session outside under the blazing sun. Sit with us – again, you have no choice – while our highly qualified counselors tell you what to think and why what you originally thought was wrong. By the time your camp visit is done, we will most definitely make sure you are thinking the way we say you’re supposed to – or else you’ll never leave.
Arts and Crafts By You For Someone Else
One of the camp’s most popular activities is the arts and crafts workshop. Every day, you will spend a few hours of your time assembling a wonderful craft with your friends and fellow camp go-ers right by your side. When you’ve finished it, we will immediately take it away and give it someone else who has put in zero time and effort but most certainly probably deserves it more.
I don’t know about about you, but all of this looks great to me. I look forward to packing a handful of my belongings and then being dragged to the closest re-education camp of my dreams. Who wants to room with me? I’m not picky, I’ll take top or bottom bunk. Can’t you just feel all the unity? Cheers!
Hannah Brokaw lives in a red state and votes red. She enjoys true crime TV shows, long naps and tacos. Please bother her via Twitter where she has a lot of thoughts.
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