Imagine a Christmas run by the virtue signaling Democratic PC police. Here is what it would be like…

  • Christmas lights? Not allowed. Very ableist. What about the people who are unable to see? What about their holiday cheer? Also…”Christmas lights” is offensive to non-Christians so they will henceforth be called “holiday lights”. 

  • Christmas music? Fine. But nothing religious on the public radios because it’s like forcing your religion on someone as well. 

  • Christmas cheer in general is acceptable but words like “elves” are not. They’re vertically challenged. Please refer to them as such. 

  • All Christmas parties should just be called “Winter Celebrations” so that it’s all inclusive. 

  • Here are a list of things that could be seen as offensive:

– Christmas trees

– Candy canes

– Christmas ornaments as gifts or for crafts

– Nativity scenes

– Green and red plates, napkins, etc

  • Absolutely no “He is the reason for the season” signs because that looks a lot like you’re forcing your Christianity on people. 

  • And listen, we love Santa but his abuse of the reindeer, making them fly all over the world to deliver gifts, is cause for concern and we are currently investigating the matter with PETA.

  • We wish he wouldn’t have to use reindeer to begin with but we know that using gasoline wouldn’t be approved by the EPA because of the emissions so hopefully SpaceX or Tesla can figure that out soon. 

  • Now when it comes to gifting, those who make more than others music provide gifts for everyone while people who don’t make as much don’t need to bring gifts at all. Present redistribution is key.

  • Gifting for children must be gender-neutral because we really don’t want genders assumed on Christmas day.

  • If you have a Trump supporter in the family, you don’t have to get them a gift at all. Better yet, not invite them.

  • Masks must be worn indoor at all times. Nothing short of an N95 will be allowed. Even if it’s just you, your partner, and a dog. 

  • Happy Holidays! 

Sad thing is, there are people who legitimately agree with everything I wrote above. But Merry Christmas and Happy Hannakuh, y’all!

Caroline C.
FFL Cabinet Member
Follow Caroline on Twitter!