To The Girl That Keeps Investing In Almosts

I’m sure your Mom’s friends on Facebook say it all the time too.

“You are SUCH a catch.”

“I can’t imagine why you’re single.”

“Any man would be lucky to have you.”

“If I had a daughter I would want them to be just like you.”

Yeah, okay. I get it. From the outside looking in, I am an admittedly strong girl with strong morals and a good sense of herself. I am by no means perfect, I’m not always confident in my appearance, but at the end of the day I know exactly who I am and who I want in a life partner. There are things I struggle with, but I continue to work on myself to become the greatest version of me that I can be for my future spouse.

This is where it all gets difficult. I am very selective, not high maintenance or materialistically “picky.” I want a good man with good morals that respects me and others around him, while being strong with the ability to impress a crowd of those I care about. I want to find someone capable of loving me the way Christ loves the Church, and I will not settle for someone less. Appearance has no real bearings and I couldn’t care less what their favorite sports team is. I just want a good, solid man through and through. And okay, yes, I want him to be funny. Like actually funny.

The problem is, even really good guys can pursue you and just not be right for you. I am all about an angry girl playlist, but sometimes you do all the right things and they just don’t happen. Sometimes you put yourself out there, meet someone you really connect with, pray over the situation, and then miscommunications or time pushes it away and you’re left with that defeating feeling of being so close. And instead of having an ex, you just have an “almost.” It would feel wrong to sit there and blast Avril Lavigne or Lizzo, because you can recognize that he was a good one and he just wasn’t your good one. All that time, energy, and late night phone calls analyzing the good and bad with your friends were all for nothing and you’re wondering when it won’t be for nothing.

I cannot tell you how many nights I’ve sat on the floor of my friends room in tears, or in the arms of my dad wondering what’s wrong with me or why I continuously get my hopes up for just another almost. I’m here in solidarity understanding it absolutely sucks. I really don’t get it, but I do know that as a crippling over-thinker, I’m lucky to have an unimaginably big God.

The truth is, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change the course of our lives. God knows exactly if and when we will meet the one we keep. It won’t matter if we texted back too slowly, if we were having a bad make-up or hair day, if we laughed a little too loud, pushed a little too much, or maybe even came off a little too strong. There isn’t a way to mess up the right thing. All those almosts were meant to be set along our paths in preparation for our destination. All the tears we have cried or are currently crying are just stains on the yellow brick road to the greatest love God has in store for us. Sure, it doesn’t change the pain of another great guy you spent two months, six months, or three years on. However, it gives me hope knowing that what’s meant for me is never going to miss me. I am unable to shake up the plan God has for me. Sure, I can “mess up” a relationship or the dreaded talking stage, but I won’t mess up when it is right for me. I can’t. So yes, it does suck to be the girl that keeps investing in almosts. It sucks seeing friends and family find their match so quickly and wonder why it worked for them and not you. I’m right there with you. It’s tiring, it hurts, and it feels like a never ending cycle. But we have to remember that just because a guy can reach the bar we set really high, doesn’t mean he’s the one you set it up for. And sure, if you lower it, you’ll find something you can settle for. I guarantee it, but I’m begging you not to.

Your Mom’s friends are right.

You are a great girl.

You are a catch.

And the day you find the one that meets those standards and doesn’t walk away, all this pain will make sense.

Just take a deep breath, give it time, and lean into God.