I Lived Like A Liberal For 24 Hours And Here’s What Happened

Image Credits: Shannon Stapleton/Reuters

I’m a fan of trying to view things from all sides and perspectives. I purposely try to put myself in other people’s shoes to understand what goes through their minds and why. One day, I decided that I would try to live my day like a liberal in everything I do.

For the sake of commitment, I started my new lifestyle in the morning as soon as I opened my eyes. As I got out of bed, I remembered to call and reschedule an upcoming doctor’s appointment. It got me thinking, I’m a liberal today, so everything related to healthcare should be free. For instance, free birth control would be awesome. I’m a woman, which means I’m inherently entitled to this lifestyle drug.  It allows me to live a certain way that I probably wouldn’t if I had to consider the consequences of my actions. Obviously it’s going to be paid for by my employer, regardless of how that fits into their financial plans or their beliefs as an institution on birth control. It’s okay for my needs and feelings to be put above others’. I’m a woman and you’re oppressing me otherwise. The patriarchy can’t keep me down.

Ah, the patriarchy–my thoughts wandered to the arch-nemesis of modern feminists everywhere. Dictionary.com defines a patriarchy as a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. Women can vote and can do quite literally almost anything a man can, barring physical differences. Maybe I don’t understand what this “patriarchy” is that all my liberal friends are talking about.  I just know I’m supposed to be really fired up about it. 

Next, I figured I’d go on Twitter because that’s the best place to share what we abhor. I didn’t feel guilty one bit as I was looking through all of the tweets about how women in the U.S. are so oppressed when there are women in the Middle East getting stoned to death for being raped. As I read more tweets from the Left, looking to be inspired by my adopted ideology, I stumbled upon the typical anti-capitalist sentiments. Capitalism totally sucks, like, that MacBook or iPhone I’m tweeting from is the absolute worst.  So is the Free People top I’m wearing and the plethora of objects and options I have surrounding me. Capitalism is for the birds. Imagine how great life would be without it? I mean, look at Venezuela!

After bashing the patriarchy, ridiculing capitalism, and scrolling the internet for hours, I was exhausted. At this point, I decided to get something to eat with my dad. We talked about a lot of things and eventually we talked about his health, specifically, the heart attack he had not too long ago. The recovery process has been a struggle for him. Healthier foods are more expensive and the cardiac-rehabilitation program was hard to get into. As he was talking, I thought, “Oh my gosh, Dad. Check your privilege.” Seriously, where does he get off? He’s a cisgender, straight, white, male–he has no idea what it’s like to struggle. Then, my dad insisted on paying the bill.  Apparently, he thinks I’m a fragile woman and I’m unable to pay for our meals. This is incredibly triggering.

On the way home I got to thinking, I’m a liberal, so obviously I believe in science, unlike my conservative counterparts. They’re so silly. How can they sit around and deny the existence of climate change? It’s science, just like how people who are born with male chromosomes magically, by choice, become full-fledged women. No really, guys, we believe in science.

Today has been so fun and I’m loving it. I think I might take this to the next level.  My Reagan Bush ‘84 tee doesn’t do much for my new image. After some research, I decided the best look would be a facial expression that exudes disapproval of the world around me and some Lena Dunham-esque outfit. Let’s be real, I would say I look hot like this, but I don’t want to objectify myself or feed into the male gaze.

Now to my job. Yeah, the one where I get paid just as much as my fellow employees who happen to be men. It doesn’t matter that the Equal Pay Act was enacted in 1963 or that it’s been proven men work longer hours or that more men choose to work in more lucrative fields than women do. I’m sticking to my guns (oh, don’t get me started on how much I hate guns) on this one. If I choose to major in women’s studies, I should make the same amount of money as someone who went to school to be an engineer.

After a long day of being a liberal, I can’t help but see a recurring theme; I was constantly complaining, feeling offended, and playing the victim card. Truthfully, it’s so much easier to make excuses and act as a victim than it is to take responsibility for your life. Conservatives with their personal accountability, hard work and individualism are doing so much more than they need to. As I lay my head on my pillow, I feel so grateful that I can just pass off all of my problems to the government. It will take care of everything for me because I love being dependent.

I can’t wait to wake up and not do this again.