Image Credits: Madison Lane

Have you ever asked yourself “Am I addicted to Conservatism?” Are you sure that the results of the 2016 election will change America as we know it?  Here are 9 signs that you, yes you, might be addicted to conservatism. If you find yourself nodding along, you’ll know.

1. You have an obsession with elephants

One of the most classic signs of an addition to conservatism, and especially the Republican party, is an obsession with elephants. Ever find yourself drawn towards clothing items covered in lovely trunks?  Do you truly believe that the elephant is lucky, especially with its trunk up? Agree wholeheartedly that elephants are a thousand times better than donkeys? If everything you own sports an elephant pattern, you might be a conservative.

2. You adore of all things Reagan

Do you adore Ronald Reagan, and put your right hand over your heart anytime someone mentions his name? When someone asks you who your favorite president is, do you even have to think about it? If we’re talking relationship goals, are you thinking of Nancy and Ronnie? If you are planning to name your first-born child Reagan, you might be addicted to conservatism.

3. You openly bash anyone who doubts capitalism

Do you burst into uncontrollable laughter whenever someone tweets #ResistCapitalism from their iPhone? Ever find yourself unable to stop making redistribution jokes at the expense of any Bernie Sanders supporter you can find? Do you love the free market almost as you love your mother? If you love capitalism and will defend it to your dying days, you might be addicted to conservatism.

4. You will defend your candidate to the end

Are you shocked when someone abandons their candidate and flip-flops? Can you never imagine, in a thousand years, that you would change political parties? Have you loved your favorite candidate since he was Governor/Senator/representative/tycoon and cannot imagine losing interest? Do you stand up for your candidate in the face of adversity, even when it is against some of your closest friends? If you strongly support your candidate because you know they are the best chance for our country to thrive, you might be addicted to conservatism.

5. You watch a lot of news

Would you rather miss dinner than miss the evening news?  Do you feel as if you know your favorite news anchors better than you know some of your own friends? Are you able to turn the channel, even during commercial breaks? If cable news is the only reason you still have cable, you might be addicted to conservatism.

6. You adore women like Nikki Haley and hate Hillary Clinton

Do you find yourself drawn to women that are strong and masterful without walking all over other people? Do you respect women that respect themselves? Is honesty something you look for in other politicians? Do women who do not act their age in order to get elected to office infuriate you? If you prefer honest, personable women who don’t lie about terror attacks, you might be addicted to conservatism.

7. You don’t hide your politics from the Internet.

Have you lost dozens upon dozens of Facebook friends due to your political posts online? Do you live-tweet the debate so that everyone will know just how much you love your candidate and hate their opponents? Do you share every political article you can get your hands on, hoping to influence your friends and family? If every other post on your Facebook wall is about politics, especially the Republican Party, you might be addicted to conservatism.

8. You cannot walk away from an abortion debate

Do you often find yourself embroiled in conversations about the pro-life movement? Do you find it hard to walk away before your get the other person to admit that a fetus in the womb is alive? Are you incapable of having a conversation with an abortion activist without asking them if they would like to be pulled apart in pieces? If think Planned Parenthood expose videos disgusted you, and you walk the March for Life, you might be addicted to conservatism.

9. You love FFL

Is your favorite part about the presidential debates being able to #DebatewithFFL? Do you consistently spend a portion of your paycheck on elephant gear and a t-shirt? Is your laptop covered in stickers of Republican elephants wearing pearls and bows? If you are reading this article and nodding along, you might be addicted to conservatism

Aryssa D
FFL Cabinet Member