Bush

8a

Ironman knows who he is, and he isn’t going to change anytime soon, just like Jeb Bush. Ironman takes the unorthodox approach to fighting crime by draping himself in his iron suit, which I can only imagine costs millions and letting you know that he’s probably the smartest and richest man in the room. Jeb also takes the unorthodox approach by holding many progressive views like Common Core that really set him apart from this fellow candidates, and not being afraid to remind you that he’s different.

 

Carson

10a

Martian Manhunter is a hyper-intelligent being that often guides the Justice League in the path of logic and reason. Both Ben Carson and Martian Manhunter have an unwavering sense of right and wrong and remain calm, cool, and collected in practically every situation they’re faced with. Martian Manhunter often deals with the plethora of personalities amongst the group as does Carson with poise, so here’s looking at you guys, I don’t know how you do it. 

 

Christie

4a

I don’t really know where Chris Christie stands on a lot of issues because whenever I go to look him up or see him on TV he’s always yelling about something. Granted both the Hulk and Christie get mad about injustice and fight for their beliefs, both have an extremely short fuses and are extremely passionate about literally anything and everything. The Hulk’s famous mantra is, “don’t get me angry, you won’t like me when I’m angry,” and I’m almost 100% sure that’s one of Christie’s daily morning affirmations.

 

Clinton

11a

Okay, okay, before you say it I KNOW Lex Luthor is a guy and Hillary Clinton is obviously a female but the parallels between the two are so similar that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Both Hillary and Lex are intelligent individuals who’ve been doing what they’re doing for a long time but both are incredibly immoral and unethical about their practices and constantly lie about practically everything. Even when compared to other villains, Lex Luthor is the absolute worse.

 

Cruz

6a

Ted Cruz and Superman are both so well composed and steadfast that it’s hard not to think of them as the same person. They both fight for freedom and justice in ways that exemplify their strong moral character as well. Both Cruz and Superman hold themselves in a way that screams gentle leader but are not afraid to tell you why you’re wrong.

 

Fiorina

5a

Wonder Woman is the main woman in the Justice League and has consistently proven that her gender doesn’t mean she can’t hang with the boys and it certainly doesn’t mean she won’t kick your butt into next Tuesday. Carly personifies Wonder Woman so well it’s frightening, as she perpetually affirms her spot amongst the top 10 candidates and stands her ground on the issues you can’t ignore the fact that with so much sexism floating around her she’ll still tell you and show you why she’s better than the rest.

 

HuckabeeSuperfriends - Batman Robin in Space photo BatmanampRobininSpace_zpsd510744d.gif

Oh, Robin. You aren’t really part of the Justice League and you kind of fade into the background a lot. Mike, you’re the same way, you’re trying to prove yourself by standing by traditional conservative values –hello Kim Davis- but c’mon man, no one really needed you to do that. Mike often opens his mouth and says things that really hurt the Republican Party, and just like Robin he isn’t really needed, and definitely can be described as a sidekick.

 

Kasich

9a

Kasich has a lot of good points and has gained a substantial amount of popularity in a short amount of time but still fades into the background when standing against the big guns such as Bush, Carson, and Trump. Thor also fades into the background of the Avengers cast a lot, with most of the light on Ironman and Captain America. Kasich and Thor cannot be forgotten though because both have what it takes to be the main character in their story.

 

Paul

2a

USA USA USA. Captain America aka Steve Rogers was in the military and became trapped in ice after WWII, when he was de-thawed he came back out as fervently patriotic as he was when he was frozen. Rand Paul is the epitome of patriotism as he fights for liberty and justice in ways that many of the other candidates fail to do –TBT to him filibustering the Patriot Act (the irony is not lost on me)- and bases his campaign on the fact that government should stay out of our lives as much as possible, so here’s to you Captain, may you help us attain the American Dream.

 

Rubio

3a

Batman and Rubio are so collected and strong they often times aren’t with their other superheroes/candidates. Rubio will flat out tell you why you’re wrong and that will be that. Both Batman and Rubio have been described as cold but both know exactly what the best possible decision would be in any given situation and will calmly and eloquently tear apart any argument you have against them.

 

Sanders

12a

Bernie and The Joker are both extremely calculated and know exactly the right thing and when to say it, they aren’t dumb, and when you look back at what they say you’re like, “yeah, that makes sense,” but we can’t forget that The Joker is a homicidal maniac and Bernie is a fervent socialist bordering on communist. Bernie has a lot of inklings of truth that he uses to pull in younger constituents, and the Joker preaches a lot of truth about life but we can’t forget that it’s all a ruse.

 

Trump

1a

So hear me out, Donald Trump might not be your favorite candidate, or maybe you can’t even stand him but he still has a few good points, and he’s better than Hillary or Bernie so he definitely reminds me of Aquaman. If you didn’t know, Aquaman is virtually powerless unless he’s in the water- how are the fish going to help him on land? This was such a poorly thought out character, I could go on and on but I’m digressing- but he’s still a superhero and can help in one way or another, and that’s better than nothing, right?

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